SADNESS IN THE EYES

Sadness in the eyes
Losing her mind
Red tears she silently cries
Words she can’t find

Everyday harder she tries
To get a better life
Everyday she knows it’s nothing but lies
All along red tears she keeps to cry

Poetry she can hardly write
Everyday is another fight
Deep inside alone she can sometimes scream
Outside she bleeds trying to ease

Ignored by everyone everywhere
The pain she tries to erase
Like everybody she doesn’t seem to care
Comfort everyday she finds with the blade

THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY

Everyday it’s the same thing
It’s not only in my head
I know I need it
It’s a strong feeling
I try hard no to think about it
But it’s the only thing I can think about
Everyday, every hour, every second
Soon I know I’m going to give into my temptation
In a urge of doing it
Even if it’s bad and I know I shouldn’t
Needing to ease some of my pain
This is too hard
And it hurts too much

WHY DO I BOTHER ?

In this world of torture
I wonder why I care about living
Too much bad stuff going on
And it seems like it never ends
Things are only getting worse
Several times I tried to quit
That I couldn’t even succeed
Not even able to take my own life
Why fight when you know you can’t win
Nobody cares anyway
So why do I bother ?

MY BOYS - MY HAPPINESS

Short night
Long wait outside
In the cold
No drink, no food
Everybody getting weak and sick
Trying not to faint
Freaky to see and live
But soon everything made sense
When they let us in

Happiness filled my heart
Replacing the emptiness
Huge smile on my face
Happy tears in my eyes
Soon rolling down my cheeks
Nervous for a good reason
My heart beating faster
As the lights went off
And you appeared on stage

Everybody started screaming
Calling out your five names
Soon starting singing and crying
Unique emotion
Happy as I never thought I could be
Living up in the clouds
The perfect dream for the third time
This Tuesday I felt alive

Couldn’t believe you were in front of me again
So cute with such a beautiful voice
The emotion was so strong
Never felt that way in 6 years
I could only remember
Been loving you with all my heart for 10 years
Wanting you to come back next year

Thanks to you I could feel alive and really happy
Smiling for real
Tuesday was the best day ever
My dream
But it’s over now
Back to this bloody reality
Noticing that nothing has changedThe dream is now over !

STOP

Stop telling me what do and how to do it !
Stop talking to me like if I was a kid !
Stop saying you understand when you don’t !
Stop having fun hurting my feelings !
Stop bringing me down !
Stop making me feel stupid !
Stop betraying me !
Stop saying that you care when you don’t !
Stop making promises you can’t keep !
Stop saying I’m not fine !
Stop saying I’m sick !
Stop saying I need help !
Stop saying I fucking (lol) swear too much !
Stop telling me to eat !
Stop saying you know me !
Stop bullshitting me !
Stop saying you’ll always be there for me if you don’t mean it !
Stop saying you know what it’s like to be me !
Stop lying to me !
Stop acting !
Stop saying you know what’s good for me !
Stop saying you’d change my life if you were near me !
Stop saying I’m worthy if you don’t even know the meaning of the word !
Stop saying you know my future’s going to be bright !
Stop saying you like me if it’s not true !
Stop making decisions for me !
Stop talking behind my back !
Stop saying you know what’s on my mind !
Stop saying you wish you could take away my pain !
Stop saying you’d like to wipe my tears away !
Stop saying you wish I could express my anger on you !
Stop asking me to be real and tell you when something’s wrong or I acted that way again if it’s to say you’re hurting by me acting that way !
Stop being sorry for me !
Stop saying my life and I are worthy !

NOWHERE TO RUN

Nowhere to run
That’s why I hide
Nobody searching for me
Anyway I don’t want to be found
Slowly reaching the bottom
Can’t stop falling
Can’t breathe anymore
Too much on my mind
Too hard to talk
Too ashamed and disgusting
Easier to lie, hide, fake and pretend
Just bad inside and outside
Faking a smile instead of trying to explain
Nobody notices or seems to care
Lost and broken inside
In a life I never asked to live
In a way you couldn’t understand
Every step is another mistake
Falling harder everyday
Closer to death
Reaching the end
That’s how it’s supposed to be
It doesn’t matter anyway !

A TEAR DROP

A tear drop rolling
Slowly reaching the ground
It’s warm
It’s red
It’s blood
Another red drop rolling down
And reaching the ground
Without looking at it I realized
It didn’t came from my eyes
But from opened wounds
Everywhere on my body
Mainly from my wrists
Soon feeling sleepy
Closing my eyes
Forever relieved !

TOO WEAK TO JUMP... TOO SCARED TO STAY

Burning inside
Silently screaming
Feelings I hide
Dreaming of an ending

I don’t talk to others
Not to bother
And because I’m shy
Deep inside alone I cry

Nothing else than the blade
The pain I silently take
Nobody even seems to care
It’s just my own fate

Faking a smile
Telling a lie
Pretending to be fine
Losing my mind

Far from the crowd
Close to the bridge
Too weak to jump
Too scared to stay

WORDS OF A LIFELESS SOUL

Sitting
Waiting
Crying
Ignoring
Suffering
Screaming
Bleeding
Shaking
Healing
Thinking
Lying
Hiding
Pretending
Acting
Faking
Living
Dying

WHO I REALLY AM

Hey look at me
This is really me
You might not like it
But you have to deal with it

Scars all over my body
Not nice to see
Some are red some are white
I sometimes wish I was blind

Light on the lame
Darkness on my face
Soon there's gonna be blood
I could write my anger and sadness with my own blood

First thing I think of in the morning
Last thing I think of in the evening
The lame is my best friend
Each other we can understand

That's my fate
No one else I can blame
The wrong decision I made it
This hell I live in I own it

All those things you'll never understand
It wasn't part of a plan
I'm not sick or crazy
You're just different than me

All the pain is just too real
All these wounds I try to heal
So many things behind my smiles
Want some truth look into my eyes

I give into my temptation
It's my biggest addiction
Trying to feel better isn't a crime
But I do that all the time

My life is full of shit
I think I kinda made it
It's all about pills, suicide, no food, cuts and blood
You might find it kinda odd

Self destruction
The only thing I know
Harder to breathe everyday
I chose to ease my pain the wrong way

Too weak and ashamed to even ask for help
Nobody could understand
It's been too long, I went too far
And I can't win this big war

This war I fight alone
Alone I break
When there is nothing and no one else
The pain I silently take

BORED AND SCARED

I’m in class
Getting bored
Tired
My eyes barely open
I prefer writing
Or at least trying
So I take my paper
And my pen
Hoping to have some inspiration
Escaping from this reality that I hate
Wishing I could dream
Dream of something nice
Thinking about skipping this afternoon
Not motivated at all
And the school year only begins
Too hard and depressive already
I feel like I can’t do it
I know I won’t make it
Wishing I was at home
Chatting to my friends
Looking for reassurance
Dreaming of meeting some of them

Oh God
5 hours left in this jail
I can’t believe it
It’s too long
Too boring
Trying not to fall asleep
But it’s hard
My eyes are barely open
Can’t really sleep at night
But I could easily fall asleep in here
Total boredom

I’ve just heard a bad news
A really bad one
I’m just really nervous now
Don’t know what to do
Don’t know how to handle this
I can’t
I know I can’t avoid it
I’m just really scared
And can’t stop thinking about it
And I know I won’t until that day has arrived
This is just my biggest nightmare
And my biggest fear
Coming true
Why is this happening to me ?
Why now
After so long
I’m so lost and scared right now
So scared I can feel my pulse beat faster
Too fast
Like when I have to do it
I want to do it
Right here
Right now
And I have everything I need
But I can’t
Not here
Not in class
I just have to be strong
But it’s hard
Really hard
You can’t imagine
It’s deep inside my head
If you knew what I’m thinking about right now
The only thing I’m trying hard not to think about
Damn, this can’t be real
Tell me it’s just a nightmare
And I’ll wake up soon
Cause the day that scary day arrives
Will be my dying day
I can swear it will be
If it happens as bad as I picture it in my head
If they don’t believe my lies
This day my friend
Will be my last one !

YOU CAN MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE

When you look at me
I feel pretty

When you talk to me
I feel happy

When you listen to me
I feel like you truly care

When you say I’m pretty
I hide a smile, blush and feel pretty

When you say I’m unique
I think the same way about you

When you say I’m a nice person
I feel like I’m important

When you say I’m special
I think it’s thanks to you and wish I could make you feel that way too

When you say you like talking to me
I think I love talking to you even more

When you say you’d protect me and make me feel safe
It makes me want to be near you (feel protected in your arms)

When you say you want to help me
Deep inside I wish I could or would let you

When you say you want to get to know the ‘real me’
I get scared and feel bad for every lie I told

When you say you’d never go away
I wish it was true and could tell you all the truth, instead of hiding, pretending, lying

When you say you hug me
I so wish you were here and it was for real

When you call me beautiful flower, linda or preciosa
I feel like I really count for you

When I hear your voice
I hear all the kindness and sweetness you have in you

When you’re being nice to me everyday
You can make me feel emotions I hadn’t felt for ages

Estas en mi corazon

You can make me feel alive !

MY NEW FRIEND

An angel came into my life
So sweet he could make me crySo funny he can make me smile and even laugh
So caring that I can’t believe he’s talking to me

I know that if I’d let you know when I cry
You’d probably wipe my tears away
If I’d let you know when I’m down
You’d do anything to make me smile again

I know you’d like to hug me when I’m sad
Making me feel like I really count for you
That I’m special for some reason
That you truly care

I know I don’t talk a lot about me and I’m sorry
Or I don’t tell you but I’m not always real with you
It’s just to protect you
Cause I don’t want you to suffer because of me

Also, some things are better left unsaid
The truth would only hurt you
You might not understand
And even go away from me

That for sure I don’t want to happen
I like you liking me the way you think I am
I don’t want that to change
I promise I’ll try not to fake too much anymore

Like others you don’t notice when I fake anyway
I don’t do it on purpose it’s just a habit, natural
Again, it’s to protect you and not to lose you
But I’ll make an effort to be honest and real when you ask me a question

The connection between you and me
Is special to me and I like it
I don’t know how you feel about it
But I think I might have found a great friend

A special friend I don’t want to lose
A friend I enjoy talking to for hours every day
A friend who never bores me
A friend who shows me that I’m something, someone

You’re different from the others
So nice, kind, loving, gentle, funny, cute, present, sincere, honest, real, sweet, caring…
I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you in my life
And I just hope this can last for a very long time

Real friends are hard to find
Best friends are even harder to find
You're a very special friend
I hope you’ll never go away !

ISN'T SOMEONE MISSING ? ISN'T SOMEONE MISSONG ME ?

Would you miss me
If I was about to die ?

Would you cry
At my funerals ?

Would you forgive me
For making the choice of dying ?

Would you think about me
And what we could have shared ?

Would you be mad at me
For being that weak ?

Would you feel untrustworthy
As I couldn’t tell you the way I felt and just kept pretending to be ok ?

Would you be mad at yourself
For not seeing there was something wrong and I was in pain ?

Would you remember me as a nice person
Or would you just remember the way I left ?

Would you still love me
After knowing what I did to myself ?

Would you be sad
For not being able to help ?

Would you feel like you didn’t do enough
As I decided to leave a good friend like you ?

Would you feel like you didn’t know me
As at the end I chose the easy way out without even telling you ?

Would you feel sorry
For not showing me that you cared ?

Would you try to understand
What caused me to act that way ?

Would you think there’s something missing
In your life ?

Would you even noticeIf I wasn’t around anymore ?

THE WAY TO FEEL

I look at it
In my right hand
It’s bright
It’s cold
It’s beautiful
I approach it to my body
Closer to my skin
Looking at it
With some kind of love and hate
Love cause it’ll help me feel less bad, relieved
Hate cause it’s not gonna last for long
And will leave another new mark on my skin
As the others they can’t be seen
As always I’ll have to hide, lie and pretend
Avoid some questions
Doctors and anybody who could notice
But anyways I can hide pretty well I guess
As nobody never noticed anything before
And it’s been ages
Tears in my eyes
I keep looking at it
Smiling cause I know that soon I’ll feel a bit better
Thanks to it
As I look elsewhere I feel it entering my skin
I close my eyes
It hurts
I like
It’s good
The feeling is unique
I need it
I keep doing it for a while
Until I feel that new pain
Until I feel relieved
Until the rage, anger, sadness… disappear
Then I see the blood
Running out of my veins
Nothing else matters
I feel better
I breathe calmly
I’m quiet
I close my eyes again
I smile
I bleed knowing you don’t care
I don’t think of anything anymore
Before I have to do it again
In one hour, two hours, tomorrow
Who knows ?

THE DREAM, MY DREAM

You are there
With me
Holding my hand
Looking at me
Saying ‘te amo’
Looking into my eyes
You say I’m beautiful
I’m shy
I blush
You touch my skin
Your hands on my face
Your lips over mine
We exchange a tender kiss
They you come closer to my ear
Whispering ‘te amo mi amor’
A few tears fill my eyes
Happy tears
Some roll down my cheeks
You smile as you wipe them away
You tell me to close my eyes
You kiss me again
I’m in heaven
I don’t want to wake up
Everything’s perfect
But it’s just a dream, my dream

DISTURBED

I got up this morning
Thinking
Thinking about life
My life
How it became like this
Why I made it that way
Why I can’t be like everybody else
Then
I try not to think for a while
Like always it’s impossible
I wish I could not think
No think about it
About doing it
About how it feels
About how much I want to do it
How much I need it
I pray to have a peaceful day
With nothing that would lead me to do it
It’s hard
I know it’s wrong
But yet I have to do it
I try to stop
Everyday
But I can’t
Or sometimes for a few days
But it’s painful
My only thought
It’s been too long
Now it’s too late
I’m a lost cause
It’s sometimes dangerous I know
It’s my secret
Nobody has to know
They can’t know
My family, my (online) friends
They wouldn’t understand
They would just send me away
I hide
I hide, lie and pretend everyday
I act like everything’s alright
Nothing’s wrong
Alright in my way
I pretend to be what others want me to be
What they like
At first, years ago, it was hard
Now it’s easy and natural
They like me that way
They say I’m funny
And sound happy
They’re all wrong
But I don’t care
They don’t notice it’s fake
My smiles, my laughs, my positive thoughts…
They see what they want to see
They hear what they want to hear
I tell them what they want to hear
It’s easy
Again they don’t notice
They don’t care
I can fool everybody
Sad, isn’t it ?
And it’s like that everyday
I’m not proud of myself
What I am
What I do
How I behave everyday
But it’s a necessity
When I tell online friends
They sometimes go away
Only true friends remain
They try to understand
They even want to help
At least they try
But they say I don’t really listen
They make me talk about it
Asking how it is
How I feel before, while and after
Why, how, when, what for, where… ?
They show a real interest
About that I answer honestly
They don’t judge
They don’t say I’m crazy or sick
They say their opinion about me is still the same as the first day we chatted
True friends like that are hard to find
Now when I meet someone new
I just shut up
Unless they can see through me
This never happens
If one would suspect anything
I think I’d try to be real
If I was sure not to lose them
I avoid some questions
Or just don’t say much about me
Unless you ask me something
Some people do notice but don’t say it
Others don’t
They just don’t care
Nobody cares
Sometimes I think
That they’re blind
But it’s better that way
I’m a screw up
And I know it
If I could change
I swear I would
Because I have to stop
Before someone notices
But deep inside
I know it’s all a lie
After so long
It’s too late
I’m a lost cause
It’ll never change
Or maybe one day
A new friend
Would know what to say
What to do
Show me they really care
But I doubt it
Unless they’ve been through that
At least after so long
I’m ready and willing to listen
But can’t promise I’ll follow
What they tell me to do
I like to believe that I’m ok
Everything’s ok and I’m fine
Fine and perfect in that fucked up way !

GIVE ME...

Give me love
Give me happiness
Give me friendship
Give me affection
Give me advice
Give me attention
Give me nice words
Give me an unbroken heart
Give me a nice body
Give me a new skin
Give me a better life
Give me an empty mind
Give me hope
Give me faith
Give me dreams
Give me motivation
Give me strength
Give me tenderness
Give me kindness
Give me courage
Give me beauty
Give me promises
Give me reality
Give me confidence
Give me your hand when I fall
Give me your shoulder when I cry
Give me your tears if mine can’t fall
Give me your strength when I’m down
Give me a reason to smile
Give me your will to carry on
Give me a reason to live
Give me everything !

JUST AN HALLUCINATION

Walking down the streets
Alone
All is dark
I hear foot step behind me
Someone approaching
Calling out my name
With his sweet Spanish voice
I smile like never before
I turn to face him
There’s nobody
My mind’s playing with me again
Bringing back painful memories
Sad again
Tears filling my eyes
Just another hallucination
I thought he was back !

BLOOD

Blood out of my veins
Blood on the lame
Blood on the floor
Blood on my skin
Blood on my hands
Blood in my tears
Blood in my head
Blood in my voice
Blood on the road
Blood in my heart
Blood is my life

I AM...

Just a tear in the ocean
A black cloud in the sky
A constant failure
Nothing
A mistake of nature
A bad person
A nightmare alive
A fuckin stupid person
A waste of time
Not worthy
No angel
The blood on my skin
A disaster
A bad friend
A negative thinker
Pessimist
Not funny
A bad poet
A fake beauty
A hider
A liar
A hater
A pretender
A faker
A loser
An illusion
Nobody
An addict
Obsessive
Chicken
Ugly
Fat
Disgusting
Bad
Unimportant
Ignorant
Extremely shy
Not sociable
Stupid
Brainless
Not smart
Insignificant
Not lovable
Not good
Not a food lover
Possessive
Not attractive
Sensitive
Emotional
I’M OKAY

YOU SAY...

You say you like me
But it might not be for the good reasons

You say you’re sorry
But you have no idea what you’re sorry for

You say you don’t want me to cry
But you don’t even notice when I’m sad

You say you want me to smile
But when I fake a smile you don’t even notice

You say you care about me
But you never show it

You say you’ll always be there for me
But you’re more often absent than present

You say you can hear everything
But it’s hard for me to really talk to you

You say you don’t want to hear my lies anymore
And I say I’m sorry but it’s just to protect you

You say you don’t want me to hide things from you
But you gotta understand that it’s part of me

You say you want to hear the truth
But I feel like my truth is hurting you

You say you’ll never go away
But one day, I know, you’ll want to get rid of me

You say you want to help
But you have no idea what to do

You say I can trust you
But some things are better left unsaid

You say you don’t want me to pretend to be what I’m not
But I prefer to be the woman you like me to be

You say you’d be lost without me
But it’s not true; you’d find a better friend

You say you want me to stay
But you deserve someone better than me

You say you want me to live
But it wouldn’t change much for you anyway

You say you don’t want me to die
But you’d have one thing less to care about

You say you don’t agree with the way I deal with everything
I know you’re right but you won’t understand it’s hard to change

You say you don’t like the way I harm myself everyday
And I tell you that I’m doing my best to stop

You say you want me to ask for help
And I tell you I can’t and I can deal with everything myself

You say I’m worthy
But you don’t see I’m a bad person

You say I should be the ‘real me’ with more people, including you,But I fear judgments and don’t want to lose my friends

MASTER AT SILENT PAIN

I’m thirsty
There’s no more Martini
They call me to eat their fuckin’ food
I lie pretending I already had some food

I know they won’t leave me alone
They’re always on my back
Telling what I should do
Showing me how stupid I am

It hurts me as I try to ignore them
I just nod and go away
Thinking about easing my pain and anger
Dealing with my emotions my own way

They think they motivate me
But they just bring me down
I don’t bother trying to prove them right or wrong
They don’t care about what I want

My studies are too hard
I feel so stupid
Like I can never do something right
I think I should give up

The results I don’t wanna know
I know that I failed anyway
So why bother going tomorrow and see them on the blackboard, I couldn't face people after that
I’m good at nothing and it’s not about to change

Addicted to giving up on things
Addicted to suffering
Addicted to failing everything
Addicted to taking the easy way out and dealing with things my own ways

Several times I prayed not to open my eyes the next morning
A few times I tried to leave this fuckin’ world
Everyday I think that this is the solution to reach the eternal release
But even that I can only fail, unable to even succeed taking my own life

Everyday I’m crying watching the red liquid running out of my veins
But ‘happy’ to feel a bit better as I don’t think of anything for a moment
Everyday I have to hide and even lie sometimes
And keep pretending that nothing’s wrong as I like the way I can sometimes feel thanks to that and really don’t worry, I’m OKAY !

To hell with their yelling
To hell with their fuckin’ food
To hell with their fuckin’ words
Soon I won’t hear them anymore !

A NEW DAY BEGINS

I look through the window
The sky is grey
The clouds are black
Looks like it’s going to rain

The grass isn’t green
No birds flying in the sky
The view is empty
This sounds like a new shitty day beginning

I take my paper and pen
I want to write something
But for some reason
No ideas come to my mind

When I open my mouth
No words come out
It doesn’t’ matter anyway
Nobody listens to me no more

I don’t really talk
Unless you ask me something
I don’t trust others
Because I’ve been used and manipulated in the past

I don’t show others my emotions
Because they’re negative
And they don’t need to know what I’m thinking
Keeping everything to myself is easier

Faking a smile
Is easier than telling what’s bothering me
Hiding certain things including feelings and emotions
Isn’t only a choice but also a necessity

I don’t show myself to others
Because it’s none of their business
I don’t show the ‘real me’
Not to scare them and they wouldn’t understand anyway

Some people pretend to know me
But the truth is that they don’t
I keep pretending to be the nice funny person they’d like me to be
But hey this is just me !

I DONT KNOW

I don’t know what to do with my fuckin life
I don’t know what to think anymore
I don’t know where I’ll be in 10 years
I don’t know the way I feel
I don’t know why I am the way I am
I don’t know why I feel sad or angry
I don’t know why I cry
I don’t know why I hate myself
I don’t know why I hate food
I don’t know why I’m that stupid
I don’t know why I fail everything
I don’t know why I give up on things
I don’t know why I always stay alone
I don’t know why people ignore me
I don’t know why I’m trying to be as skinny as possible
I don’t know why I can’t sleep at night
I don’t know why I have nightmares
I don’t know why nobody cares
I don’t know why I keep denying the truth
I don’t know why I lie
I don’t know why I keep pretending
I don’t know if I should stay
I don’t know what’s good about living
I don’t know what I should say
I don’t know what I should do
I don’t know how I’ve become this mess
I don’t know why I talk to nobody
I don’t know why I don’t trust others
I don’t know why I let nobody in
I don’t know why I feel unworthy

At the end maybe I don’t really know who I am and maybe I don’t even really care !

LIFE

Life is crap
Life is sad
Life is painful
Life is doubtful
Life hurts
Life is blurred
Life is black
Life isn’t taking back
Life is stupid
Life is shit
Life isn’t worthy
Life isn’t funny
Life is nothing but a load of bollocks
Life is boring
Life is about complaining
Life is a bitch
Life isn’t a gift
Life makes you cry
Life makes you lie
Life isn’t about living
Life is about dying
Life isn’t real
Life is a bad dream
Life is about hating
Life isn’t about loving
Life makes you suffer
Life brings you under
Life isn’t about enjoying
Life is about surviving
Life is torture
Life is a bad mixture
Life is unsafe
Life isn’t a game
Life isn’t about being lucky
Life is about being unlucky
Life is an obligation
Life is a poison
Life isn’t lovely
Life is lousy
Life is a joke
Life is something I've already tried to quit and might not want anymoreLife is nothing
Life will lead to dying
Life is empty
Life isn’t beauty
Life makes no sense
Life has no romance
Life is a mistake
Life is a nightmare
Life isn’t bliss
Life isn’t something you miss
Life isn’t a choice
Life makes too much noise
Life isn’t about giving or receiving
Life is about losing
Life causes scars and wounds that will never heal
Life is about dying to heal
Life is about making the wrong choices
Life is about trying or not to be noticed
Life is meaningless
Life leads to death
Life is dangerous
Life is curious
Life is beyond your control
Life is just a role
Life is what you make of it
Life sucks but it’s yours and you’re free to do whatever you want with it

IGNORANCE

Sitting at a table with those strangers
Talking to each others
Not even looking at me
Sometimes I feel empty
It’s not that I care
A few words to them I don’t dare
It’s just a waste of time
And I hate wasting my precious time
I don’t want to bother
Anyway it doesn’t matter
You think you know me
But you don’t know a single thing about the ‘real me’
It’s fine that way
I wouldn’t want you to know anyway
I’m invisible
Not noticeable
If I try to say something
They just keep ignoring
That’s the reason why I don’t bother talking
As they only make me feel like I’m nothingAnd it’s like that everyday !

A GIRL

It was a sunny day of July
There was a girl sitting on a bench
Somewhere in the middle of a field
She was staring at the grass

She was day dreaming of her charming prince
Arriving on a white horse like in romantic movies
Running towards her
She was happy in that world of dreams

Suddenly she saw a shadow in front of her feet
She analyzed it for a few seconds
Before she finally looked up
To see her long time known friend

A rose on hand he came closer
Offering it with a huge smile
He gave her is hand to help her up
He took her in his arms

She opened up her heart
To let her feelings show
She had the light on her face
She looked at him and smiled

She wasn’t dreaming anymore !

15 REASONS TO KILL YOURSELF

You hate yourself
All you can feel is pain
Nobody really cares about you
Nobody listens to you
Everybody ignores you
It wouldn’t make such a difference if you weren’t there anymore
You’ve become nothing but a failure
You don't have anyone to love and no one loves you
You lost the boyfriend/girlfriend you loved more than anyone else and will never get him/her back
You never do anything right
You’ve already tried suicide and know how to succeed this time
You know that wherever you go it’ll be better than this ‘beautiful’ earth
You never asked to be born
You have the power to end it all
And last but not least because life sucks

WEAKNESSES

Well all have weaknesses
Sometimes we’re strong
Sometimes we’re weak
Do you know what your weaknesses are ?
I know some of mine

I thought I could be strong
I thought this time would be the good one
I thought I could make my close friends proud of me
I thought this time I could get out of this
But like you I have weaknesses

Weakness is more than just a word
It’s what you are
Deep inside of you hide your weaknesses
You have to know them
Live with them
Let them control you
Or fight them

I wonder why fight
I wonder if it matters
I wonder who cares
I wonder what difference it would make
I think I don’t even care

All that matters is to try to feel good
Or at least not too bad
Good or bad we all have different ways
To reach a certain state of ‘happiness’
Or maybe is it just a lie

I don’t mind being weak
I don’t mind living like this
I don’t mind approaching death
I don’t mind keeping everything to myself
The only thing I’m scared of is to be discovered by people I know

I love being weak
I love feeling that way
I love being blind
But I hate having to hide or even lie sometimes
And fear the day someone around me would notice

This is my life and I’m free to do whatever I want with it
I live it, I destroy it, I end it…
Whatever, it’s up to me
Because my life is mine
It’s the only thing I really own

The worst is that I realized
That to try to reach that state
And feel the way I like to feel
I have to give into my addictions
Even more than I used to

EVERYDAY

Everyday I’m killing myself
But it’s not like you care

Everyday I’m hiding
But you never notice

Everyday I’m lying
But you always believe me

Everyday I bleed
But you don’t see it

Everyday I suffer from the inside
But pretend to be fine and happy and can fool everybody

Everyday I harm myself
So that you can’t

Everyday I cut my skin
Just to feel a bit better

Everyday I need to feel relieved
But you don’t even know you’re the main reason why I act that way

Everyday I lose control
But I will never show you

Everyday I take the easy way out
But it doesn’t matter

Everyday I deal with my feelings and emotions the wrong way
Because it’s the only way I know and I think I like it
Everyday I cry seeing the mess I’ve become
But I’ll make you believe that I’m happy

Everyday I’m disgusted of myself
And would like to be someone else, someone better

Everyday I’m punishing myself
For being such a bad person and not the perfect one I’d like to be

Everyday I’m approaching death
Because everyday could be the last one

Everyday I wish those scars would disappear
Because nobody around me can discover the truth about the ‘real me’

Everyday I’m praying for a better life
But you think I’m happy

Everyday I’m pretending to be what I’m not
But lucky me you won’t even notice

Everyday I’m faking smiles
But you think they’re real

Everyday I hate myself
Because there’s nothing good about me

Everyday I’m ashamed of myself
For being that weak and acting that stupid

Everyday I refuse the help my friends offer me
Because I think it’s too late and I’m a lost case

Everyday I open my eye to face the truth
Before denying everything again and pretending that everything’s alright

Everyday I wish I was deal already
Not to feel that suffering anymore

Everyday I hate myself
But can’t blame anyone else but me for making it that way

Everyday I wear this mask of someone I’m not
To protect myself and others from the ‘real me’

Everyday I fear to be discovered
Because I’m not crazy or sick

Everyday I tell myself I should get help
But I’m ashamed of myself and can’t quit this state that I like

Everyday I tell myself it’d be the last time
But you can’t stop when you went too far, for too long, and are addicted

Everyday I tell myself that I can live without it
But at the end I realize that I need it

Everyday I’m living in this hell I created
And I hope you’ll never notice

Everyday I wish I could be strong
To try to end it all once again

Everyday I’m dying slowly
But you wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there

BEHIND EVERY SCAR

Behind every scar
There was a pain
That will always remain

Behind every scar
There was a moment
Very important

Behind every scar
There was a little girl crying inside
Sick of these feelings

Behind every scar
There was something
I could never forget

Behind every scar
There were words
I didn’t want to hear

Behind every scar
There was a pain or anger
I tried to ease

Behind every scar
There was a wound
That will never heal

Behind every scar
There was a day
I wished was the last one

Behind every scar
There was an instant
Where you ignored me

Behind every scar
There was something
You never said or did

Behind every scar
There was a failure
I tried to forget

Behind every scar
There were some feelings or emotions
I had to let go

Behind every scar
There was a girl
Sick of this life

Behind every scar
There was something missing
And it was you !

BAD MOMENT

I’m alone
All is dark
I’m scared
I feel like I can’t breathe

Some feelings are building up inside me
It’s strong
It hurts
I don’t know how long I can hold it anymore

If only there was someone near me
To talk to me
But there’s nobody
I’m all alone

There’s only one thing on my mind
I can’t think of anything else
I feel shaking
I feel like crying

I don’t know what to do
I want it to stop
But it’s too strong
I’m not strong enough

I wish I could resist
But I know there’s no need fighting
I try hard to focus on something else
But it’s like everything is blurred

I close my eyes
Trying hard to focus my mind on something nice
But I can’t
My thoughts are stuck on a single thing

Nothing else counts
I want to feel better
I want the pain to stop
I want to feel relieved

CONFUSED

Here I am
Once again
All alone
In the dark

Are my eyes shut or open ?
Am I awake or sleeping ?
Am I dead or alive ?
I don’t know

Is all of this reality ?
Is it just my imagination ?
Or maybe a big illusion ?
I don’t care

Am I angel or demon ?
Good or bad ?
Sane or insane ?
Who knows ?

Am I happy or unhappy ?
Worthy or unworthy ?
Honest or dishonest ?
It depends on who I pretend to be or how you see me !

THIS DAY

I was walking in the rain
Nobody could see my tears
They were cold
Running down my face
Nobody to wipe them away
Nobody to notice me
Suddenly things changed
I don’t know what happened
There was a big noise
I remember I heard people screaming
The next thing I heard was the ambulance coming
My vision became blurred
These were the last words I heard
‘It’s too late’
Before everything went black

MY FORTRESS

Years ago I locked myself up
In the only place I could feel safe - Myself
I let nobody in
This is my fortress
I’m the only one who has the key

I hold my fate in my hands
Wondering everyday what’s good to be done
Who I’m supposed to be
What I’m supposed to do
What decisions should be made

These thoughts keep flowing into my head
Like I can never forget
They’re always the same
Hiding deep inside my mind
The only place they can be

I don’t show others my weaknesses
Because they’re mine
I don’t talk to other people
Because I got nothing to tell them
And I don’t want to bother

I’m alone and I don’t care
This is me and the way it’s supposed to be
I might not have the perfect life
But there’s worse than me
And I’m fine

We should never complain about what we have, or don’t have
Look at your neighbor
He might be suffering from a cancer
I’d feel stupid with my small issues
When I see him suffering more than me

Everything happens for a reason
I am the way I am
Because of the past
This is also my present
And probably part of my future too

Everyday is a new challenge
We’re fighting to live
We’re fighting to die
We don’t want to be noticed for the wrong reasons
We want to be remained good ones

I let nobody in to protect myself from the others
People used me and manipulated me in the past
Hurting my feelings
Making me feel bad about myself and making me loose my confidence, trust, faith & hope
And it only got worse

The only place I could think and feel safe
Was deep inside of me
Where I don’t need to wear a mask
Where I don’t need to pretend or hide
And can be the real ‘me’

I made the inside
I have secrets
Secrets aren’t supposed to be found
I hide and don’t want to be discovered
This is part of my privacy

This world is scary
Really dangerous
And I don’t feel safe
But inside my world, my fortress
There’s no danger other than the one I choose

I’m the master of my life
I know it like nobody else
It’s normal it’s the way I made it
One day you live
The next day you can die

I live in the darkness
Deep inside my fortress
I can’t choose what’s happening outside
But I can choose what’s happening inside
My life is mine and she belongs to me

I don’t like people to disturb it
Trying to force me to change it
My life is how I made it
This is mine you can’t own it
In my way I take care of it

I make my own decisions
Sometimes good, sometimes wrong
I’m the only owner of my life
I do whatever I want with it
Good or bad it’s up to me

I do believe that I can control what’s happening somehow
It’s like I hold my life in my hands and can look at it
For some reason it’s like there’s a voice within me
Telling me how bad I can act sometimes
Or how smart I can be if I give it a chance

I lie inside myself for hours
Thinking about what I am
How my life became like this
Who I’m supposed to be
And what I should do

This is just me
There’s no lie
Only mystery
I live alone in this fortress
And I’m happy like this

Maybe one day, in a few years, I’ll find someone I truly trust
Someone who’ll give me his heart and truly care about me
Someone who’ll know how to deal with me and my life
And I’ll give him my precious key
And let him come to me

HAVE YOU EVER...

Have you ever felt like nobody cares about you ?
Have you ever tried to be someone else ?
Have you ever felt misunderstood, like nobody can understand you ?
Have you ever tried to ease the pain in painful ways
Have you ever wanted to die or have you ever tried ?
Have you ever felt that the world would be better without you ?
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong to this ‘beautiful’ world, like you don’t have your place in it ?
Have you ever felt like you’re a big mistake of nature ?
Have you ever felt ignored by the others ?
Have you ever felt like you have to hurt yourself to feel less bad or just to ‘feel’ ?
Have you ever felt betrayed ?
Have you ever felt that smiling becomes harder everyday?
Have you ever felt different, abnormal ?
Have you ever had the feeling that your life has no sense ?
Have you ever felt like you’re living your life for the second time ?
Have you ever felt sick and tired of everything ?
Have you ever taken a blade in your hand, pressing on your wrist, wishing you had the courage to do it again, to end it all ?
Have you ever been told that you were dangerous to yourself ?
Have you ever loved someone to death ?
Have you ever known the real happiness and lost it ?
Have you ever asked yourself why you’re living your life when you hate it so much ?
Have you ever wondered what’s good in being you ?
Have you ever tried to count how many friends you have to realize you could count them on one hand ?
Have you ever wondered if one of them really knows the ‘real you’ ?
Have you ever wondered how may of these friends really care about you ?
Have you ever thought about why you hide yourself ?
Have you ever told yourself that you weren’t worthy ?
Have you ever cried for no reason ?
Have you ever wished you could close your eyes and disappear forever ?
Have you ever wished your life could end to be relieved forever ?
Have you ever noticed how people seem to care about the nice things about you and never the bad ones, like if they didn’t even want to see the real you ?
Have you ever faked a smile ?
Have you ever lied to your best friends and felt bad about it ?
Have you ever been mad at them for not noticing you were in pain or not seeing the truth when you’re lying, searching for it and show you that they know you’re lying and they want the truth ?
Have you ever given yourself away completely for someone you will never get back ?
Have you ever thought that you didn’t deserve to be alive, feel loved, feel happy ?
Have you ever thought that you were boring people ?
Have you ever thought about why you’re sitting alone at lunch time at school ?
Have you ever had the feeling that everything you do is wrong ?
Have you ever wondered why you give up on things all the time ?
Have you ever felt disgusted about yourself ?
Have you ever wondered why you hate yourself that much ?
Have you ever wondered who would cry at your funerals ?
Have you ever noticed how easier it was to hide your feelings than showing them, to lie than telling the truth, to take the easy way out than trying to face your ‘problems’ ?
Have you ever thought about why you’re starving or purging ?
Have you ever thought about why you have to take the anger out of yourself ?
Have you ever felt invisible ?
Have you ever felt useless ?
Have you ever looked in the mirror and felt disgusted ?
Have you ever felt ugly, fat, disgusting, alone, scared, misunderstood, rejected, broken, lost, stupid, crazy, sick & tired of everything, unwanted, not worthy… ?
Have you ever taken pills, done drugs, hurt yourself intentionally, tried to kill yourself or anything else just to feel or as some kind of punishment for being a bad person because you think you deserve it or that it’s the only way you exist or feel ?
And finally have you ever wished that a friend would save you, your life and the nothing you’ve become but you’re too ashamed or scared to ask ?

Think about that !

LOVE AND PAIN

Love is painful
And most of all doubtful
Pleasures remain
So does the pain

Far from the eyes
Close to the heart
Souvenirs cause the suffering
An empty mind would set me free

Words are meaningless
And forgettable
Souvenirs are like a breath
And never fade away

The world is a large ocean
And I’m just a small piece of it
A piece that nobody notices
I don’t exist, I’m invisible

All I ever wanted
Was to feel loved
All I ever needed
Was to be loved

Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
The silence is better
You hear nothing but your own soul

Undress me
Set me free
Give me a new life
Give me a new heart

I want to be free
I want to be me
Out of sightOut of my mind

YOU WERE...

You were the air that I breathe
The hand that I hold
The water that I drink

You were my hope
My faith
My strength

You were the beauty on my face
The smile on my lips
The light in my eyes

You were my heart beat
The peace in my head
The blood in my vein

You were the heat on my lips
The fire burning inside me
Life in heaven

You were the pen in my hand
The words in my mouth
My inspiration

You were my light
My eyes
My heart

You were my happiness
My motivation
My treasure

You were my inspiration
The life within me
All the good things I have inside

You were the key to a happy life
The happy thoughts in my head
The reason I was getting up in the morning

You were my truth
My paradise
My love

You were the good part of me
My everything
My reason to live

I LOVE YOU

For every smile you made
For every word you spoke
For every kiss we shared
I love you

For everytime you held my hand
For everytime you touched my skin
For everytime you told me I was pretty
I love you

For every moment we shared
For every eye contact we had
For every love words you whispered in my ear
I love you

For everytime you were holding me in your arms
For everytime you said Te quiero (I love you)
For everytime you made me feel special
I love you

For every laugh we shared
For every lip contact we had
For every moment you made me feel safe
I love you

For everytime I burnt inside
For everytime you gave me hope
For everytime you made me smile
I love you

WHEN I OPEN MY EYES

I know I used to deny everything
To pretend to be as fine as I could be
But I was lying not only to my friends
But also to myself

If you knew how many times I told myself
That I could be better than this
Better than this shit
And quit all that crap that’s become my life

I’m really scared
Scared of discovering myself
Scared of facing this horrible truth
Scared of me

There’s a time for everything
A time to deny
A time to lie
A time to change and get better

I feel like I’ve been taking the wrong decisions forever
Now it’s too late to turn back
I just have to live with it
In this hell that I made

I wish I was a fighter
I wish I was stronger
I wish I wasn’t that lost
I wish life wasn’t that painful

I never try to arrange things
I just wait for them to get better by themselves
Of course it never happens
And after so many years I doubt it’s about to change now

I do believe that my destiny’s already written
And there’s nothing to change what’s supposed to happen
What’s been done is done
It’s too late to change that now

As a friend recently told me
Acting the way I do won’t solve any problems
But will only make things worse
The problems are still there at the end

Every day I’m crying on my fate
I live in my own world
And let nobody enter it
I’m stuck in it and can’t get out

After so long I finally opened my eyes
To face the truth and realize that I’m not fine
I was lying to myself, there’s something wrong with me
I wish I could wake up from this nightmare

Every morning I pray
To have a nice day
To be cool, calm, just chillin’
That nothing will lead me to do it again

I know that saying and acting is different
But if I could change I swear I would
I tried once and I succeeded for a little bit
Then everything went wrong again

I found myself lying to everyone again
People who care about me
People who were trying to help
And like always I just wouldn’t let them try

If only you could see my life through my eyes
Maybe you’d understand and fix what’s wrong
Give me what I lost back
My confidence, my hopes, my faith…

Every day I tell myself ‘Not today’
And at the end I say ‘Well only once, it can’t hurt, it can’t be that bad’
But it’s never just once
It’s the only release that I know, a feeling I need

I know this might sound crazy
But imagine there’s something hurting you
And you know that you have to power to ease it for a little while
So what do you do ? You just let it out any way you can

Every day I hide and lie
And the worse is that it’s become easy, natural
It’s my second nature and I lie without even thinking
Everybody believes everything I say

Most of the time I even believe my own lies
I tell myself that everything’s alright
That I’m doing nothing wrong
That it’s just normal

You could see me walking down the streets
Or just making some shopping or watching tv
And even talk to me and never suspect anything
I don’t blame you for not seeing I’m not alright

Why don’t I open up to people ?
Because I’m ashamed of myself and don’t want to bother others
I prefer to stay alone because the only one I can bother is me
I know I’m always searching for excuses

When there’s something wrong
People scream, break things, get into fights…
While I keep everything to myself
Until it’s too hard and I need to let it out

People say Why didn’t you tell me you were sad or angry
But what I am supposed to say ?
For me it’s so stupid that I don’t tell my friends
I just sit alone and cry while everybody thinks that everything’s alright

I’m not blaming others for my mistakes
Because I’m the guilty one
Now I feel like I’m stuck and I can’t breathe
And that nothing will ever change

TELL ME...

Tell me why all is dark
Why all I can feel is pain
Why all my thoughts are black
Why I feel lost in the rain

Tell me how to stop this nightmare
How to be happy again
How to share
How not to put myself down again

Tell me why I do the things I do
Why I feel that way
Why you can’t read me through
Why I am that way

Tell me when the sun will shine again
When I’ll find the love I once had
When I could feel free again
When will I stop feeling like that

Tell me why I hide these feelings inside
Why I feel so ashamed
Why I do those things I have to hide
Why so is my fate

Tell me how all this could be better
How to stop acting that way
How to deal with this hidden pain and anger
How to find another way

Tell me why I am so sad
Why I feel disgusting
Why I feel so fat
Why I sometimes feel nothing

Tell me how I’ve become this mess
How I made the wrong decisions
How not to feel this loneliness
How to get out of these situations
Just tell me !

WRONG CHOICES

Don’t look at me
Don’t say you know me
Don’t judge what you see
And let me be

This is my destiny, my fate
I opened the wrong gate
And now it’s too late
I’m stuck in this state

At first I thought it was a game
Some kind of escape
And now I’m trapped
In a dark cage

Sometimes I feel like letting go
But I know I have to hold on
Things can get better I know
I just have to let it flow

Sometimes I forget myself the truth between the lies
It’s like I’m caught in the middle
Trapped inside a body I didn’t choose
Caught in a life I didn’t want

Some days I tell myself that I can change
But soon afterwards I realize
That I’m just too scared to even try
Because I don’t know how it’s like

It’s like a fight
For something you can’t understand
Something you don’t imagine
Something called pain

There’s nothing else I could do
I chose my way
I thought I was right
I thought it was the only way

But now I know I was wrong
There were other ways
And now I’m caught
In this screwed life

I’m a lost soul
My heart’s broken
I lost myself in this maze
I lost my confidence and my faith

All my hopes are gone
From the day you went away
Now I’m crying these tears alone
Hoping that your face would just fade away

My dreams are empty
My tears are cold
In the inside I cry
In the outside I fake a smile

I’m crying out for help
Help I’m too ashamed to ask
Now I’m dying in this hell
And I can’t blame anyone else

In my eyes you will see
All the truth my mouth can’t say
You will find the real me
And the lies will fade away

My mouth can lie
My eyes can’t lie
Just take a closer look
Deep inside the closed book

The smile on my lips is a lie
But the look in my eyes is real
Behind every lie
Hides a sadness, pain or fear

Don’t ask me how I’m doing
Ask me what’s wrong
See the truth between the lies
And say all you have to say

Those wounds will never heal
They will always burn
What can I do now ?
What’s done is done

For each thing I didn’t eat
For each thing I rejected from inside
For each pain or anger I tried to ease
I feel so ashamed

Sometimes I feel so alone
Nobody to listen to me
Nobody to reassure me
Like I have to live on my own

I give up on everything
Each time there’s an obstacle
Or when I feel like it’s too hard
Because it’s easier to give up on things

They say there’s a consequence to each action
That there’s a solution to each situation
I choose the easy way out
And end in a blackout

I’m a mess
And it’s my entire fault
I’m guilty for making the wrong choices
Taking the wrong decisions

Now it’s too late
Damages have been made
There’s nothing I can do
I can’t start all over new

In this life I’ve lived
In this life I’ve died
In this life I’ve smiled
In this life I’ve cried

Now I have to live in this shit
I’m responsible for it
It’s mine I made it
I think I deserve it

The closed doors must be opened
The sealed heart must also be reopened
It’s been so long I don’t know how
Just show me how

Can something wash my sins ?
Can someone save me from this mess that I’ve become ?
Can someone see through me ?
Can someone take me by the hand ?

Sometimes I feel
That every step I take
Is another mistake
And always hide the way I really feel

I’m weak outside
I’m weak inside
I was stupid
I was blind

For each drop of blood that I lost
There was a real pain and anger I tried to ease
Each lie I had to tell
Was the consequence of that action

I thought it was the only way
To take it out, to let it go
But now that I look back years ago
I’m sure there was another way

I wish I could forget
And move ahead
I wish I could turn back
And make my life pink and not black

This road I chose wasn’t the best
It was a mistake
That almost led me to death
There’s something I can’t fake

I tried to follow the rules of life
But I followed the rules that lead to death instead
In my heart the hole is big
In my head everything is black

I made all the stupidest things I could
Not to be noticed
Not by pleasure
But to feel

Sometimes I wonder who cares
But I never ask myself Do I even care ?
I’m just lost inside a life I didn’t choose
Events I never wanted to go through

Why should I be waiting
For dreams that won’t never come true ?
Or for having the life
I will never have ?

Why should I be wasting my time
Searching for the lover I’ll never find
Or the best friend
That will never leave me

I’m sick of feeling that way
I want to change
I want to be different
I want to be strong

I don’t want a lover I want a friend
I never want to feel alone again
I don’t want to cry again
I want this pain to end

I want to feel loved
By friends, my family
And also try to love me
I just want to feel loved

I want to forget the pain
I want to forget the one I love
I want to forget all the bad things
I want to move on, be free and start all over new

Some people think
That I don’t listen to what they say, but I do
I’m just too weak to accept
The hand they’re holding me

I wish I was strong enough
To say Hey this is me, look at me
This is not what I wanted to be
So please do somethin’

Am I ready to be healed ?
I don’t think I’ll ever be
Am I willing to change ?
Yes

Give me faith
Give me hope
Give me confidence
Give me love

Take my hand
Help me escape from this hole
Help me see the sun shine again
Take me to the bright side of life

Now all that I want
Is to be given another chance
To move on from all that crap
And try to be happy again

I want to move on from black to pink
From sadness to happiness
From hate to love
From lies to truth

I want to be able to look in the mirror
And say This is me
I don’t want to feel disgust anymore
I want to be proud of being me

I lost myself on the road
I have two choices
Death or life
Now I choose life

Because this isn’t me
This isn’t who I chose to be
Now everything I have to hide
Is forever hid inside

I don’t want to lie to my friends anymore
I want to live one day at the time and see what life as in store
I also want to think about my future
I don’t want to be a failure

I just want to be a better version of me
For that I can I rely on you
So now I’m asking you
To set me free !

ALONE AND INCOMPLETE

When you have no hopes
All you can do is cry
When you have no tears
All you can do is suffer inside

When you feel misunderstood
When you feel like nobody cares about you
When you don’t have a reason to get up in the morning
Then you wonder why you’re still there

When you feel alone
When you wonder who cares about you
When smiling becomes harder from day to day
You realize whatever you do you’re still alone

When people try to make you smile
You offer them a fake smile and most of the time they don’t even notice
The reason is simple, they don’t care
Nobody cares

When people ask you how you’re doing or something else
You just tell them what they want to hear
When they ask you why you look sad
You just make up a story so they don’t ask anymore

When you feel sick and tired of everything
When you feel so much pain you’d like to end it all
When you feel the world would be better without you
All you can do is thinking about why

When you have no friends
When you feel you don’t have your place in this world
When all you feel is pain
You try to ease it your own ways

When people are making fun of you
All you can do is turn to someone else
When you don’t have someone else
All you can do is stay alone, again

When you feel like life has no sense
You wonder why you care living it
When you don’t know what being happy means
You can only try to remember

When you do things to try to feel better
Even if you know it’s bad and you shouldn’t
You do them cause nobody or nothing can stop you
Those things are the only things you have left

When you look at yourself in the mirror
All you see is somebody else
All you feel is disgust
You don’t like what you see

When you go to bed
You close your eyes
And wish you’ll never open them again
You’ll be in the dark forever

When you try to sleep
When you get up in the morning
When you get ready to go to class
You realize that whatever you do you’re always alone

When you cry
There’s nobody to wipe your tears away
When you hide
There’s nobody searching for you

When you lose your hopes and faith
When you’re trying to hide yourself and things you do
When you don’t find where you belong
You’ll never find the answers to your questions and find what you lost back

When you ask yourself how’s the day going to be
You know it’s not going to be better
When you try to find a reason
You realize you won’t find any

When you feel rejected
When you feel different
When you feel sad
When you feel empty
When you feel lost and broken inside
When you feel the same way everyday
You realize nothing will ever change
That’s just the way you are

A LOST LOVE

You were everything I had
You meant the world to me
Now that you’re gone
I have nothing left

You made me smile
Now I don’t smile anymore
You were my everything
And now you’re gone

I had never been that happy before
Now I don’t even know the meaning of the word
How is it possible to be happy without the one you love by your side ?
The answer is it’s not

You always knew what to say, what to do
You were always taking me in your arms
That way I knew nothing bad could happen
I could hear your heart beat, I was safe and happy

You kept kissing me all the time
It was sweet
It felt so good, so right
I’ll never know that feeling again

My heart was only beating for you
I had a reason to get up in the morning
I don’t anymore now
Because I know that you won’t be there

You were unique
The first one I really loved
I would have died for you
I would have done anything you wanted

Sometimes I wonder how such happiness was possible
Why it was happening to me
I felt like I was the chosen one
To love and be loved in return

Why did you have to leave me ?
I don’t have anything anymore
Everything I had left with you
Without you I’m incomplete, I’m nothing

I feel a hole inside me
Something is missing
It’ll never be the same without you
Because you were everything I had
Now that you’re gone I have nothing left