EVERYDAY

Everyday I’m killing myself
But it’s not like you care

Everyday I’m hiding
But you never notice

Everyday I’m lying
But you always believe me

Everyday I bleed
But you don’t see it

Everyday I suffer from the inside
But pretend to be fine and happy and can fool everybody

Everyday I harm myself
So that you can’t

Everyday I cut my skin
Just to feel a bit better

Everyday I need to feel relieved
But you don’t even know you’re the main reason why I act that way

Everyday I lose control
But I will never show you

Everyday I take the easy way out
But it doesn’t matter

Everyday I deal with my feelings and emotions the wrong way
Because it’s the only way I know and I think I like it
Everyday I cry seeing the mess I’ve become
But I’ll make you believe that I’m happy

Everyday I’m disgusted of myself
And would like to be someone else, someone better

Everyday I’m punishing myself
For being such a bad person and not the perfect one I’d like to be

Everyday I’m approaching death
Because everyday could be the last one

Everyday I wish those scars would disappear
Because nobody around me can discover the truth about the ‘real me’

Everyday I’m praying for a better life
But you think I’m happy

Everyday I’m pretending to be what I’m not
But lucky me you won’t even notice

Everyday I’m faking smiles
But you think they’re real

Everyday I hate myself
Because there’s nothing good about me

Everyday I’m ashamed of myself
For being that weak and acting that stupid

Everyday I refuse the help my friends offer me
Because I think it’s too late and I’m a lost case

Everyday I open my eye to face the truth
Before denying everything again and pretending that everything’s alright

Everyday I wish I was deal already
Not to feel that suffering anymore

Everyday I hate myself
But can’t blame anyone else but me for making it that way

Everyday I wear this mask of someone I’m not
To protect myself and others from the ‘real me’

Everyday I fear to be discovered
Because I’m not crazy or sick

Everyday I tell myself I should get help
But I’m ashamed of myself and can’t quit this state that I like

Everyday I tell myself it’d be the last time
But you can’t stop when you went too far, for too long, and are addicted

Everyday I tell myself that I can live without it
But at the end I realize that I need it

Everyday I’m living in this hell I created
And I hope you’ll never notice

Everyday I wish I could be strong
To try to end it all once again

Everyday I’m dying slowly
But you wouldn’t even notice if I wasn’t there