The Cats

Have you ever blamed the cat(s)
If by mistake someone where to see
If you messed up covering up
Even a super small part
What you've been hiding for decades
Though that's always been your one mission
To keep a facade
A happy smiling face
Keeping everyone at a safe distance
Changing subject, getting the focus on anyone but yourself
So they don't see the disgusting monster you really are
Don't you forget you're also clumsy
Like anyone cares...
Nobody knows the sh*t you've been through
Stuff that happened to you
And they can never know
How you relive things every single day
The torture, the guilt and shame
And you know it's your fault
Cause you don't deserve anything better
Does it make you feel more ashamed
Or is it just another excuse
Then you find something else
Anything is better than the truth
An expert at lying
Not to hurt them
But to protect them from yourself
Cause nobody would get it
You can't help it
When you feel like you're about to explode
And you can't tell another soul
Sometimes waking you up in the middle of the night
Another nightmare or just reality hitting you in the face
Who knows, who cares
The craziness, anger and sadness
Your special secret friend
That doesn't judge you, never disappoints you, is always near you
How you crave it, need it
To calme the monster inside
Eating you alive
Endless cycle of shame
You hope nobody will ever see
You're messed up, useless, worthless, crazy
A lost cause with no one else to blame
But yourself
For ever meeting that new best friend
Two decades ago
Your biggest mistake
Your secret shame
Depending on it every day
Feeling it, needing it
As soon as everything is too much
As you always keep everything bottled up inside
Never sharing
Never daring
Just too ashamed
Just yourself to blame
No going back
Everything black
I'll see you next time
With another lie
Until then don't worry I'm fine