DON'T

Don't Let Me Do What I Have To Hide
Don't Let Me Lie
Don't Let Me Die

ANOTHER

Another day
Another blade
Another cut
Another scar

AGAIN

Not doing it for a few days
Seemed like a lifetime
Trying hard to stop again
I wonder how I did survive
Then suddenly it’s too hard
The urge is there and I can’t fight
No matter how hard I try
I try to focus on something else
But I just can’t
I feel like I can’t breathe
Soon I start shaking a bit
Some kind of withdrawal I guess
Hoping there was someone I could talk to
But there’s nobody
They’re all sleeping or at school
Due to the time difference
It’s hurting me deep inside
More than you could ever imagine
Nobody to take it from my hands
Nobody to try to understand
Just a little cut
At least that’s what I thought
It turned out to be 5 or 6
Blood running everywhere
Waiting for the pain
Just to feel a bit better
For a too short moment
Before I have to do it again
Because no matter how hard I try
It’s just too hard to stop
But I keep on trying
Because I can’t live this hell
I’ve been living in for years
But this time was different
I was far from thinking of that
This time I went too far
Way too deep
Maybe I hit some bad place
I don’t need some nerve damage
I wouldn’t stop bleeding
Don’t know what happened
When I came back online I found a friend
As always I couldn’t be honest with him
But then I told him everything
He told me how to stop the blood
He wanted me to call an ambulance
But that I could never do
Cause I’d rather die
Than having someone finding out the truth about me

STARRING NOWHERE

Starring nowhere
Nothing’s there
Lost in thoughts
For long I fought

Somewhere to hide
Sometimes I’m blind
Nowhere to be found
Laying on my grave on its ground

Feeling pain
Inner calm to gain
Taking it to my skin
Not screaming but bleeding

NOT

Not talking
Not revealing
Not trusting
Not eating
Not breathing
Not laughing
Not trying
Not telling
Not saying
Not showing
Not looking
Not living

I TRY...

I try to make a sound
But no word comes out of my mouth

I try to make a move
But I’m stuck

I try to make a smile
But I have to fake one

I try to feel alive
But I’m dead inside

I try to open my eyes
But I’m blind

I try to please everybody
But I sometimes have to pretend to be what I’m not

I try to be perfect
But I’m not no matter how hard I try

I try to be someone I’m not
But soon I come back to reality realizing that I’m just a mess, worthless

I try not to lie
But it’s hard regarding everything I have to hide

I try not to think for a while
But there’s just one thing on my mind

I try to stop and get better
But it’s too hard and getting worse the next day

I try to cry
But there are no tears other than the red ones coming out of my veins

I try to stay calm
But I can’t help the way I feel inside

I try not to take it in my hand everyday
But it’s the only thing I can do to ease some way

I try not to give into that addiction
But it’s too hard and painful to try to fight

I try not to approach it to my wrist
But I’m sick of this life and want to crawl away for good !