AM I WRITING TO FORGET OR TO REMEMBER ?

I just write for myself
Feeling safe as nobody around me could read
So I can say anything I want to say
And be honest with myself, what I feel

SO SICK OF LIVING LIKE THIS

So hurt, about to explode
Heading for her purse
To find her needed knife
Seeking relief
Deep inside she wants to scream
Alone in the bathroom she shuts her eyes
Ready to find relief with the blade
Soon the blood follows
Nobody could understand the way she feels
Herself she couldn’t explain
She feels a bit better as she feels that well known pain
But also so ashamed for what she’s done once again
She’s in another world for a short moment
Feeling nothing but that new pain she herself caused
Her head seems empty for a while
She feels better and yet so bad
Hating herself even more for doing that
Wishing there was someone to take her out of it
Someone to care and love her
And show her another way

SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

Save me from myself
Hold me tight and never let go
Tell me that everything will be alright
That you can save me
Free my head and body
Let me out of my prison, that addiction
My life
My death
My suicide

CANT PUT WORDS ON MY FEELINGS

I can’t put words on my feelings
Or anything that’s happening
But as nobody never listened
We will never know what would have happened
It doesn’t matter now
They can’t see I’m going down
Everyday the way/what I feel I don’t understand
As I look at the blade in my hand
After keeping many things inside for some time
It explodes big time
As I can do nothing else but use it on myself
Everyday I hide from all as I live in hell
Everyday I wish it was a nightmare and I will wake up
But as I feel that pain I need
And see myself bleed
I know this is no nightmare
It’s real
I’m a lost cause
I will never heal

ANOTHER NIGHT

At night again
I can’t sleep
Don’t feel well
Don’t know why
But it won’t go away
Unless…
No I don’t want to think about it
But I can’t not to
The only thing in my mind
Day and night
All the time
I’m sick of this life
Please don’t let me do this
I’m on my knees begging for release
Hold me tight
Tell me that with you by my side it’ll all be okay
Tell me that you can change my life
And make it all right
Make it worth living
Please take it away from me
Out of my hand
Tell me I don’t need to be ashamed of who I am
Just do something
Don’t let me go on like this
After so long I’ve been too far already
I reached the bottom
And fear I would never see the light again
Because it feels like this is the end
Please tell me you can do something
But now I realize
That at 2.21 am I’m wasting my time
You’re not there
Nobody is
I’m all alone
Dying in this
I guess I’ll just do it again
Then maybe I can close my eyes
And tomorrow will start another fight
That I know I can’t win
The only thing I can do is smile
And tell everyone that I’m okay or fine
And that everything is alright
Everyday the same lie
But as long as you believe it it’s fine

SHARP LIKE A BLADE

Sweet like a kiss
You follow my vein
Sharp like the blade you are
You enter my skin and make me bleed
We become one

THE SMILE OF PAIN

The smile of pain
The hidden suffering
Red tears from a vein
Everyday this is happening

A GIRL IN SORROW

A girl in sorrow
Hoping there’s no tomorrow
Too much pain
Nothing more to gain

I’M SORRY

For everytime I say I’m sorry
For hurting you
For not being strong
For not listening when you say ‘it’s for your own good’
For every lie I told you and will tell
For sometimes being distant
For wondering if you really care
For not trying harder
For not being a great friend
For not being someone better
I’m sorry for being me !

LOVED BY NONE

Abandoned by all
Loved by none
Everyday harder I fall
Soon to be gone

TEARS

Tears in the rain
Tears on the blade
Tears of shame
Tears of pain
Tears of anger
Tears of blood
Tears of sadness
Tears I cry
Tears before I die

SHE’S GONE FOREVER ! WHY DID YOU DIE?

I’ve been asking myself that for a while
We weren’t that close anymore
But you’ve always meant a lot to me
I remember when we were 8
We were young and innocent
Dreams filling our head
We were best friends
I remember those things you said
The first time I tried to kill myself
That day at school
But I guess you changed your mind
Why did you do this ?
Why did you succeed what I always failed?
Why are you gone ?
Your mom was crying on the phone
I couldn’t believe what she was telling me
Still can’t now
It’s a mistake
You should be still here and me dead
Hope you rest in peaceI’ll never forget you !