CALM... OUTSIDE

Another day and I'm all calm... outside
So much going on... inside
Like always nothing I would tell you
Keeping to myself that's what I always do
You see nothing
Not knowing that I'm bleeding
As I'm faking you a smile
I continue to hide or even lie
Everyday living hell
That nobody could tell
Sometimes wishing I had someone to talk to
Someone who'd know what to say or do
In the end I'm all alone
With my only way to cope

SO WHERE AM I ?

I'm not alive
I'm not dead
I'm not in heaven
I'm not in hell
So where am I ?