PEOPLE

People think that I'm cold
I can't think
I don't feel
Cause I don't talk
Unless they talk to me
I smile all the time
My smiles are fake
But they don't notice
They ask me how I'm doing
My positive answer never changes
'I'm ok', what I always say
They take it for reality
Never question themselves
Never notice anything

Ask my family how I am
They'll tell you calm and happy
I seem to be the happiest girl ever
When I can fake, pretend and hide well
So everybody believes anything I say
What would I gain anyway
In showing others my suffering
Even though you could see it all over my body
Or maybe even into my eyes
Cause sometimes my eyes can't lie
The same way my mouth do

I'm happy they don't see it
Cause they wouldn't understand
But just send me to someone
And that person would lock me up
In a hospital forever
That can't happen
It would be the end of me
I'm glad I can hide
Happy that nobody can see
Nobody knows
They don't need to suffer because of me
Because over the years
Taking the pain out of myself became my bad addiction
Not by choice but by obligation
Bleeding everyday
Trying to ease this painful suffering
I destroy myself
And that's enough
I never want to hurt someone else !

LOST IN THOUGHTS

Lost in thoughts
For so long I fought

Thoughts all inside my head
Impossible to go ahead

Thoughts of death
The only happiness

Moving on I can't
Death, the end

Lost in the sky
Maybe I could cry

Be free to breathe
This place I want to reach

Sitting among the angels
No longer being a burden

Inner calm to reach
Bleeding no longer I'd need

WHY

Why do I cry those tears ?
Why do I hate food ?
Why do I behave that way ?
Why do I talk to nobody ?
Why do I keep everything to myself ?
Why do I feel invisible ?
Why do I wish I was dead ?
Why do I have those feelings and thoughts ?
Why do I feel that way ?
Why does it hurt so much ?
Why do I hate myself ?
Why do I destroy my body and I ?
Why do I bleed everyday ?
Why do I need to do that everyday ?
Why is everything so painful ?
Why do I hide my suffering ?
Why do I try to die ?
Why am I nothing but a constant failure, a nightmare alive ?
Why isn't there someone listening to me or willing to do something ?
Why can't nobody help me ?
Why don't I even care ?

I FEEL

Addicted
Trapped
Empty
Worthless
Pointless
Meaningless
Stupid
Sick
Tired
Brainless
Mad
Angry
Useless