WHY DIDN'T I DIE LAST NIGHT ?

Sitting near the sink
Feeling a bit dizzy after all the meds
Tears in my eyes
Craving the ultimate release
Watching the blood falling down my veins
Before falling asleep
Thinking that I’d never see the light again
Unluckily waking up a few hours later
My own blood around me
Cleaning up the mess quickly
Mad not understanding what happened
How come I woke up ?
Why can’t I Just close my eyes forever ?
And never open them again ?
Why can’t I just be relieved ?