MY ONLY WISH... IS TO TURN BACK
I can’t remember
How it all started
It was a long time ago
I wish I could turn back
So I wouldn’t have tried that
Sometimes I wonder
How could this happen to me
How could I be so stupid
Now my only wish
Is to turn back
I would have been happy
Healthy
Able to smile
Happy to get up every morning
I would have been alive !
Now if I could I’d tell the kids
‘Don’t even think about it
There’s always another solution
Never try that
Try to live
Not to die’
How it all started
It was a long time ago
I wish I could turn back
So I wouldn’t have tried that
Sometimes I wonder
How could this happen to me
How could I be so stupid
Now my only wish
Is to turn back
I would have been happy
Healthy
Able to smile
Happy to get up every morning
I would have been alive !
Now if I could I’d tell the kids
‘Don’t even think about it
There’s always another solution
Never try that
Try to live
Not to die’
posted by SecretWoundsBleedingAngel at 2:04 PM
2 Comments:
don't talk like that sis, please !
I know how you feel, I'm just like you nowadays, reason why I don't come online much, I wanna be left alone in my pain and shit.
well won't tell here cuz others might read ya know.
Gonna send u an email.
Don't ever say things like that ! You fall I'm falling, remember ?
And you gotta tell me about the doc and everything, hope it didn't go too bad !
well gonna send you an email right now !
Keep faith sis, I'm there for you, always !
also stay away from all sharp objects and stuff. Just try to focus on something positive, yea I know it's easier said than done and I should do the same before telling someone !
And I also know how you can wish to close your eyes and never open them again !
Or how easier it is to take it in your hand and just try to feel a bit less bad, take the easy way out, even though it's only for a too short moment !!!
But like you said the other day there should be another way for us, something we could do.
But we do feel alone all the time, we just have each other, nobody else understands, even online, you think you have friends and then they just go away :'(
We do feel like nobody understands and they don't even care anyway, right ?
sometimes I so wish I could tell some online friend you know, someone who'd know what to say or 'do' maybe but who could ?
I told you about the only day of my life I was brave enough to almost ask for help online, big mistake ! I had found that great site with a therapist saying that he could help and stuff. Yea right ! I was so nervous when sending him an email and at the same time a bit 'excited' thinking that maybe for the first time someone would just know what to say or do and talk to me online you know and mainly make me talk as I can't say things by myself and the first thing I automatically do is denying I can't help it, I'm just scared. I know that online there's nothing someone could do against me so that's ok but still I could lose them if I consider them friends and then it would really hurt me. You know I'd rather just hide, fake, pretend, and blablablah just to keep someone, not to lose them and that's not fair towards them I know and the worst is when they catch you lying or something and they confront you to your lie and you feel ashamed or even worst they don't tell you and you keep lying to them :(
Well about that guy of course I said nothing in the email, nothing personal I mean.
That bastard answered saying he could feel my pain and like he could be 'a great help' for me and he said it was $5 per email or $40 for the week, yea right like if I could afford that with no job and all ! That made me think that most of the 'professionals' only think about money. THey're supposed to listen, advice, help and stuff, yea right well not him ! I felt so bad after his answer !
See that's how people are willing to help !
So now I just try to shut up as much as I can even online when a few weeks ago I would just learn to open up to some (new) friends, sad isn't it ?
I don't wanna lose new friends anymore ! I become attached too fast and it hurts me so much to see that someone doesn't talk to me anymore just because I gave them the truth they wanted to know about me !
What we'd need is someone almost available 24/7, someone we could be honest with, who wouldn't judge or make us feel even more guilty and all...
Well, you already know
well I guess that's it !
I'll always be there for you !
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