LIKE ALWAYS I NEED IT TONIGHT

Nothing special happened tonight
But yet right now in my bed
I need it so bad
I need to do it
I need that feeling of pain
I need that blood to run out of me
That blood, all the bad in me
But why ?
Why now ?
What the hell is going on ?
I don't get it
And know I never will
Maybe because of all those overwhelming feelings and emotions
I hide deep inside and nobody knows
Everyday a bit more
Or maybe the stress I can't take
All those thoughts and worries
I share with nobody
You just have no idea
It's much worse than you could ever think of
So much you will never know
You don't want to hear about it anyway
You think that things can heal
But it's so wrong
Not after so long
You'd want me to talk about all of it
But there's nobody and I wouldn't know what to say anyway
It would take hours, days, just to try to see where does that failure come from
It would only make me weaker
But again you don't think like me
You never do
I don't know about tonight
All I know is I need it
And I don't know why
And that makes me sick !
Maybe I just need to punish myself
Those questions will never be answered
Does it really matter anyway ?