BE HAPPY

Don't know if I should be proud
Of telling you a bunch of fucking crap
Like 'Smile at life and life will smile at you'
Or other stupid things like that
When I don't mean a single word of it
And feel so bad deep inside
Hiding a deeper sadness, anger, pain and confusion than ever
But I don't want you to know
You say you're a friend
But you can't understand
I want nobody to suffer
Knowing I'm going under
Everyday deeper
Falling harder
The good thing is
They all believe everything I say
The way I say I feel
They don't know nothing's real
Just a huge lie
Just tellnig them what they want to hear
When all I want is slit my wrists once again and die
Hoping it's the good one this time
Leaving for good
Cause it's too much, too hard right now
Letting them see I'm happy
Before forever I disappear
Soon without saying anything, no goodbye
I've rarely felt that bad
I couldn't even describe it
I don't want to anyway
I don't care anymore
Now it's too late
The call of the grave
Closing myself on everything and everyone
Living and dying in this huge lie
That I'm alright
Maybe I should feel bad for lying to them
And even ignoring a few when not just keeping them at a distance
Maybe I should even stop venting my stupid shit here
Not like it changes anything anyway
Just another waste of time
I better think of my next lie
For you to think I'm alright
So you'll be happy
Not knowing I die